Letter To The Editor: Dr. Hazel Announces Results Of Beach Study

Dr. Hazel, IOP resident and pet enthusiast.

Dr. Hazel has lived on Isle of Palms for the past six years and calls the Lowcountry home. She earned her undergraduate degree from the University of Round Valley in Park City, Utah, with a B.S. in Single Track Critter Studies. She logged over 4,000 miles of single-track trail, studying behavior of various sizes of animals from chipmunks to Moose. In one of her early studies, she concluded there is an inverse relationship in the size of the critter and how they reacted to her bark – a “Moose Encounter”. She earned her M.S. Degree in Master Training and PhD in Food Processing from the IOP Beach Community University, which led to her current study.

Dr. Hazel has been performing an in-depth multi-year study of Isle of Palms canine food processing and deposit handling behaviors. The study focused on the reasons that some deposits disappeared, while others were left behind – who was picking up deposits?

The study sample size is a statistically significant cohort consisting of residents and visitors to Isle of Palms (tens of thousands). Dr. Hazel logged nearly 2,000 IOP beach and road miles in the study, plotting abandoned deposit sightings and interviewing hundreds of her canine colleagues in the process. After collecting the data, performing advanced analytics, running theorem probability models, Dr. Hazel is proud to announce the study conclusion and observations.

Conclusion: There Is No “Poop Fairy”

Some of the major study observations include:

  • Poop simply does not remove itself
  • Canines have not adequately trained their Masters to carry at least 1-3 bags at all times
  • Some Masters rely entirely on “The Solution to Pollution is Dilution”, or “#&@* Happens” and walk away from deposits
  • Children & Families at beaches prefer “Poop Free Zones”
  • Those with camping experience uniformly adopt the “Pack it In, Pack It Out” approach

Dr. Hazel is dedicated to raising awareness in an effort to preserve IOP’s slice of paradise, which she holds so dear to her heart.

She has a simple request – please train your human companion to pick up deposits, offer or ask for a spare bag, and don’t be afraid to gently remind those who don’t, so all visitors and residents can enjoy a clean and healthy island experience.

Scott Pierce

Isle of Palms

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